Where has the time, energy and scrappy bits gone?

Friday, June 13

PC,  my hero may be with other heroes!!!!

This is a selfish rambling, so forgive, skip, or just don't trouble yourself if too much information.

Drove to Florida VA facility, Land O Lakes for interview, official tour, and to submit application packet.  Done, done, and done.  Only took about three <3> yep, three hours, with heavy only Florida can produce rain,  if you have not ever witnessed, it appears that the rain comes in all directions at same time, even up!!!  Rain lightened up, so after leaving home a little after nine, I stopped to see PC, then home and sleep, peaceful sleep with Feisty curled up right beside me.

Great facility, now his application is being submitted to their review committee, will know in one to two weeks if acceptable, then onto the waiting list.  I honestly can say it appears the nicest place of similar those I have ever seen!

Heard, at last parting comment, that if he returns home, then process must be started again, and he will not be on a VA transfer placement priority..which could mean up to year or more wait.  So, now quandary of how to tell him, if tell him and when to let him know. Think IF I can, do not discuss until  word  back on acceptance.

As an aside, PC has been accepted again for Suncoast Hospice, so only GOD knows what is the path that is being presented, and must be followed.  I pray for guidance and strength.

Trying to draw in The inner strength of the strongest female I have ever known,my mom.  She loved and cared for my dad by herself for many years, hour ran the family, the church, and kept two
children happy!  We never knew the extent of her efforts, and I shall always regret that I did not/could not help her more.  I always thought she just catered to him, now know she kept him grounded.

So Friday ended..
Absolutely exhausted, fell asleep on guest bed for short nap with Feisty, and awoke four hours later, only to go back to sleep, till 11:30 am Saturday,..whew, only a few hours sleep and the stress do all this really was worth the effort.  interviewer told me rarely does anyone present with their application packet complete on first visit!!  Thank you education for keeping me up nights to study and understand processes.

Saturday..Feisty and I got up only to care for absolutely immediate personal needs, and finally started our day at 2:30 .  Showered, and dressed, went to see PC.  Stayed a couple of hrs, then home, and to bed before my usual midnight.

Sunday, Fathers Day!  Went by early to see PC before church and found him "not good", so after calling appropriate sources, got backup and attention for hm.  I went to church, and was back at facility by 11:30, stayed till after 6 pm, and will only relate that I was somewhat successful in advocating for him and additional pain and anxiety medications.  He only wants PEACE, and I have promised I will do all I can to make that happen.

Since he likes dark room, and was trying to rest, I took visitor chair to doorway, to get light to read, and it seems to have been successful, PC said he felt protected and safe, so slept most of afternoon.  And staff  was very attentive..I wonder if my presence had anything to do with that??

Anyway, mission accomplished.  If this change is not effective then possibly back to Suncoast Care Center for pain and anxiety medication rebalancing.

  And. ..Not sure what that will do with VA priority placement..but as I have tried to practice, not always successfully, take it one piece at a time, place that piece to next one, and keep going!

So, spent some time looking at the very random, therapy scrap pieces i have  done over last month, and one block has 57 pieces...the number of pages in application..and even more interesting, the larger piece has 217 pieces, the number of total pages in packet!  PC will be 81 this July, and one section has 81 pieces, and I will be....????....And there is a piece with that number also....honestly, it was scary, but true, so just  turned the light off and left the scraps to meld into whatever is next....

Pieces are doing something amazing and I must trust the process..and remember, even GOD took six days and then had to rest!  So who am I to even think Incan understand....
         .....I await.....

Peace prevails even as understanding may be lagging.

Mac