Thursday, early morning, July 10, 2014
Happy birthday, PC, may you rest in peace and in the arms of our loving God and family that were waiting for you. Know that it empty here, without your amazing presence, and that your spirit and love lives on!
I shall visit your crypt tomorrow, but already know your spirit has departed. I just need to pray and talk some things over with your wisdom and gain from your wisdom. Please help me remain true to the promises made and are being kept thus far.. Some people do not understand your final wishes, and are atruggling with same, as you taught me....not my monkeys and nmy circus....so strange that that is a Polish proverb and now seems to be everywhere I look!
My life and energy was so intertwined with you, I feel every breathe and beating of our spirit in the house and in your things. I hold your favorite pillow just to feel closer to you, and it still has a faint smell of your presence.
I know you are protecting me and giving me the strength that appears to be holding me up, it sure isn't by my power alone! Some see me as weak, troubled, feeble, unable to think, and I feel you lifting me up to stand of my feet, life my shoulders high and just BE ME! Amazing. I'm not afraid anymore of somethings.. It I can manage through this, I believe I can do anything I know you would support..
Fragments starting to fit into some order, pieces and memories help bind the ragged edges and steam the wonky spots with tears and sunny Florida July humid weather. Know you are safe, without pain, and surrounded by love and peace. That helps me go on.
I await....and remember what you asked me, and shall always abide by these wishes. Time does not heal wounds, it allows scar tissue to hold the elements together, thereby allowing sanity and safety for all. My pieces await your smiling face!
As the business of all this is done, I am going to Houston for mom's 90th birthday. What a joy to celebrate with my family and meet Felix for the first time. You will be with me, and do not fear the flight, I will sit by the window!!! And hold your armrest as before.
Love you for all eternity..and beyond...
MacS
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