Wednesday, September 10,
Abit after 5 am, no sleep tonight. Seems like my body just wants to keep moving, brain in gear, and when I accepted I might need to take melatonin for sleep, saw it already after 3 am, so too late. Instead I meditated and tried to focus on all the gratitude I have in my life.
Have you ever tried to do something and had to admit, grudgingly, that it was not within your limitation and/or capacities? Well, this happened multiple times today, so that is now on my gratitude list...I can not do all that I want, as quickly and efficiently as I want, and sadly am dependent upon others to help....not a bad thing, but when it involves moving heavy furniture over a six inch lift...not possible. I tried and tried, then accepted....leave it alone! Maybe God's special way of letting me be reminded to "let go" and "let it be"?
Why are the nights so long and the days so short? This is a question for profound philosophers, not this humble Southern belle! I expect to actually see the dawn'a light this morning, a rare sight for me, and a gift from above...add that to list.
Been reading about different religious beliefs this night. And I know, this is a most unusual but useful fact finding quest. Amazing...God created all of us, and then we struggle with each other, with difference in beliefs and practices, and proclaim that we are right and others are wrong....
As a youth, long ago, I remember an experience when, at a church summer camp, the clergy staff got together, to speak and pray for me, to save my soul, since I had pierced earrings, wore makeup, and seemed to be happy....they prayed and prayed. I knelt in reference to GOD and listened, to that small voice inside me, telling me not to judge them , they were trying to do what they felt was right! yes, this may seem unusual, if so, you do not really know me.
My parents, ordained ministers of the
fundamentalist church camp I was in attendance, had allowed me the earrings, the makeup, and the confidence to be happy within myself....for them, I shall always be grateful.
daddy always told me, do not judge others, let GOD do that, and HE will. I was taught, and still believe strongly that each person must account for their actions, and will be "accountable" according to their spiritual path, to their own discernment.
Wow what an unusual thought path tonight..and I KNOW, I just KNOW that this is my path, my gift from above. And I am struggling to live up to this expectation. For I know I shall be "judged" and do not want to be found lacking....sounds like my mother speaking now!
I really do miss my dad, he passed into heaven a few years ago, but in times like this, I hear his wisdom and teachings. I sure was a challenge, I am sure, to him and mom, however we all survived to tell the tale! Only wish I had told him more often how much I admired and did learn from him and mom.
You see, I was encouraged to explore many thoughts, to question and learn any and all things of interest, just to stay on the good/GOD side of my quest. Nothing was off limits, academically, spiritually, emotionally, socially..well, some things were..but this was the general idea.
I remember sitting at the dinner table, after eating as a family, and asking questions, searching the
Bible, researching different commentary explanations, even the encyclopedia at times, to learn of differences in culture, religion, beliefs, spirituality, etc. What a blessing and how very open and understanding it was. Well, this is my story, and I am sticking to it!
My very traditional, conservative parents raised a liberal free-thinker, believer...they even sent me to a liberal college, knowing that this would only help me learn more about myself and my faith, where I was the only one of my denomination on the campus....
What a roller coaster....and daily I think, "do not judge, do not....or you will be judged"..this does it for me....and it does NOT mean that standards/values/convictions/ethical codes do not exist within...just have learned that many people expect me to comply with their idea of me and what I should or should not do or be, and I stand accountable to only one Higher Power!
Amazing, really did some serious soul searching tonight, and prayer deep within to hear that little voice that tells me when things are right and when I need to continue my development..so off I go. Almost dawn, so think I shall make some decaf...the point I ask myself!...and open the front blinds and watch the rays of the sun come over my world,
At peace, but still cannot bring myself to piece here at home yet....will have to explore what that is about another time...
May peace prevail and starch of initial application in faith and spirit, remain firmly applied, and ironed with care and loving thoughts. Macs
No comments:
Post a Comment